Sunday, June 24, 2012

My Children May Be Vampires

Is it me, or are there suddenly vampires EVERYWHERE? Actually, I take that back. Not the everywhere part, the suddenly part. Because it really isn't suddenly. Sorry Twi-hards and True Blood fans, I have two words for you. Ann Rice. For those of you who are too young to know who that is, I'll wait while you Google her.
Yes, the undead have been ubiquitous for a while now and truthfully, for the most part, it hasn't phased me. I used to have nightmares as a child about "drac-lee-uh" as I called him (probably I'd stayed up too late one night and caught a glimpse of some old movie on tv), but over the years my fear had dissipated. Probably in part due to bad casting of the movie version of Ann Rice's book Interview with the Vampire. If only they'd switched Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise's parts, I might have taken vampires more seriously.
I'm a grown woman. The Twilight series did nothing for me. I'm too busy to get into yet another cable tv drama, like True Blood. So why is it that I'm suddenly freaking out again about vampires? Because I am afraid I may have given birth to three of them!

Yes. It's summer time, and my children have turned into the undead. All the telltale signs are there.

  1. They are nocturnal. During the school year my kids have to go to bed at a reasonable time, because they get up so dang early for school. But, now that school is out, and they're all three teenagers, they have turned their days into nights and vice versa.
  2. They're pale. They're fair to begin with, but they're looking downright anemic lately, no doubt due to the lack of sunlight. That's what'll happen to you when you wake up at 1:30 PM, lounge around until 4:00 PM, and become active only after the sun goes down.
  3. They hate raw garlic. Although, this may not mean anything since I don't believe many people like raw garlic with the exception of every cab driver I've ever been driven by in NYC.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get away with driving a stake through their hearts or shooting them with silver bullets, so I've come up with another way to get rid of the vampires living in my house. I've signed them up for summer camp! Well, two of them anyway. Starting tomorrow morning they'll be rudely awakened (yes, I plan on waking them rudely--it's payback time) at 7:30 AM so they can be ready to leave for camp by 8:15 AM. Hopefully waking up that early and being active during regular human hours will make them tired at an appropriate bedtime. Regardless of whether they're tired or not though, they will be going to bed at 11:00.

I'm tired of being out of whack and off my own schedule because of these undead offspring of mine. They may or may not be less vampire-like, but I'll definitely be less of a witch. Minus the "w" and plus a "b".

1 comment:

Genevieve Araque said...

Glad to see you're taking some action to help the kids not to be vampires! I know I looked like one as a teen, and probably drove just about all the adults crazy with laziness during the day and activity at night. I wonder if I wouldn't have benefitted from some summer camp!

Though I am not much of a vampire lover, I am a True Blood person, though I watch because it deals so much with issues around xenophobia. That said, sometimes it is a little hard to get past all the new mythical creatures that are added each episode!